


Broken Locks.

by SmallSlice



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, General Death, Gun Violence, chekovs banana peel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 06:29:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14710868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallSlice/pseuds/SmallSlice
Summary: A brief look at what Bart did with her time in Blackwing.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> this is part of the 2018 DGHDA bang, check out the other cool fic in the collection !!

The first time Bart left her room was a week after Ken had left her there. A group of veiled guards marched in, guns slung across their backs. The clips in a separate pocket. Mr. Priest must have explained that it was just dangerous to have loaded weaponry around her, again. They were safe anyway. The universe didn’t care that much whether they lived or not so Bart continued to chew on a fingernail. Just rocking back and forth on her chair, watching the guards with a bored look.

 

“Hey there, Bart. How you doin’ today, feelin’ like killin’ me?”

 

“No, you’re good.”

 

After giving her answer, Mr. Priest walked through the door. Unlike the others, his holsters were all empty. He actually knew that Bart didn’t need anything special to kill anyone. There had been a few times in the past when they had been out together and Bart had followed the whims of the universe. Younger Bart had come up with some very interesting ways to kill people. It was a little harder without having access to weapons but she made do. The universe always got what it wanted in the end. Similarly, Mr. Priest always took Bart out for ice-cream afterwards. So who really won?

 

He pulled out the other chair, turned it around to sit backwards in it and slid a folder across the table to her. Mr. Priest explained that they needed her a little test. It wouldn’t be too hard, all Bart had to do was act the way she normally did. Following the stream of creation. She barked out a laugh at the phrase she had used to describe the way things worked. At first it had fit really well, but now it was just stupid. Bart knew she was a puppet. Her strings being pulled along by the universe.

 

That didn’t make her any less stir crazy. There wasn’t much to do in her room really and sure, Bart could have probably left any time she felt like it. Blackwing still hadn’t figured out a way to keep her contained. Mostly because locks didn’t work the same on Bart like it did the subjects. Neither did traditional security. Bart guessed that they just hoped she wouldn’t leave and they’d be right. There wasn’t much out there for her. Ken was still here, even though he hadn’t come back to visit. She had heard the dog sometimes. Also the food was pretty good. So Bart gave a shrug and agreed to head out.

 

As it turned out, the test was simple. The folder didn’t hold much information and Mr. Priest hadn’t said anything that added to it. It seemed that all Bart had to do was walk through the closest city and see what happened. Did the universe have anyone that needed to be removed? Was there a certain place that Bart needed to be or was there something that she needed? This time she was given a weapon and Mr. Priest walked around with her. So did one of the veiled guards but they were mostly there to write down the answers Bart gave.

 

Nothing much happened. The van they rode in stopped along the side of a road and while some of the guards were fixing it someone in a leather jacket showed up. The universe wanted Bart to kill him. She got to keep the jacket afterwards. In the city, she dropped a piece of greasy paper and someone slipped over. Banging their head on the ground with a dull thud. Mr. Priest checked for a pulse, but they were also dead. Bart didn’t quite know why they needed to take a photo of the people who died. What would they do with dead people photos? Collect them or something? Mr. Priest laughed for a while at that but he never really answered the question. At least they got ice-cream afterwards.

 

* * *

 

 

The next time Bart left her room caused a panic to sweep through the facility. Alarms blared throughout and there was people running all over the place. They reminded her of ants. Always running this way or another and moving around her. Even if it made the trip longer. It was also extremely pointless. Bart just wanted to see what Ken was doing.

 

What was he too busy to come and visit his best friend? If that was the case then she would go to him. See exactly what is was that he did. Bart didn’t really believe that he could get into someone else’s computer through his own or any of the other ‘hacking’ stuff he had talked about. Sure Ken was smart but that wasn’t a thing. Bart had laughed and rolled her eyes at him. Even telling him that it couldn’t happen. They had fought about it but it wasn’t anything serious. Towards the end, neither of them could keep a straight face and just started to laugh. Bart wasn’t sure who started to laugh but it did take them a while to calm down after.

 

Bart had missed that. She missed her best friend. Even if the universe wanted him dead. She didn’t.

 

It took her a little bit longer to get to Ken, even following the universes directions. Some of the guards had tried to get her back to her room but things hadn’t ended well for them. It didn’t stop her though. She had to stretch up to look through the small window on the door but there he was! Bart’s face light up with a smile so big that it almost hurt. After knocking on the door, she swung it open and waved excitedly.

 

“Hey Ken! You haven’t come to see me in a while but that’s okay, you got stuff to do. I got nothing though so do you wanna hang out? Like we used to. We could eat some donuts, watch TV or I could tell you about some of my new friends that I met.”

 

“Uh, Bart… whose blood do you have all over you?”

 

“Just some guards or whatever. I did try not to kill them but the universe had other ideas.”

 

“Right. How about- how about you go back to your room. Get cleaned up and I’ll try and stop by, bring something to eat, hm?”

 

“Okay, I’m not worried about the blood but yeah sure. You’ll definitely visit today?”

Ken gave a tight lipped smile and nodded. Clapping her hands together, Bart took a step back to leave. Then changed her mind and rushed forward to crush Ken in a long overdue hug. His arms were pinned to his sides, but still he managed to pat her awkwardly on the back. This time Bart did leave. Yelling a quick “Seeya” over her shoulder before running back to her room.

 

Bart stayed up for ages, watching the door intently but Ken didn’t visit like he said.


	2. ii

Bart had walked out of her room three more times before something was done about it. She was given a card that she could tap on the inside of her wall. They it would let them know that she was out and it wouldn’t set off an alarm. So that way Bart wouldn’t have to worry about anyone else being killed. Not that she did in the first place. It wasn’t her fault that guards kept running towards her and bad things happened to them. It was pretty funny when they slipped on someone’s blood or there was one time when one of them had a door opened on their face. Bart was the only one who laughed.

Now that Bart was free to leave her room, she looked for other things to do. At first she kept trying to look for Ken. He had to have some free time but when she would ask, he always had something to do or he had just left. Bart had stopped trying after a few days. It just made her sad. Instead she decided to find her other friend, the dog that they picked up before Blackwing took them.

It was definitely around the facility. Bart had heard barking and had heard some of the guards being very confused about why there just a dog running around. It was actually easier to find the dog than it had been to find Ken. Mostly because it liked to stay near the kitchens. The cooks fed the spare food to the dog, they had even given it another name. It didn’t answer to any of the names it was given, just came for the food. That made Bart like the dog even more.

“Dog, hello. Do you remember me? I’m Bart. I fed you Ethiopian food and let you sit on my lap in the car. I’m sorry you got left behind but you look like you’re okay now. So that’s good. What uh, what are you doing?”

Obviously the dog couldn’t talk back. That was just silly but that didn’t stop Bart from talking and the dog seemed to like it as well. It came running over to her, jumping on its little dog legs until she picked it up. Her fingers sinking into the soft fur and all but disappearing. This felt pretty nice, actually. It had been a while since Bart had been able to hug a friend or even just have someone brush up against her by accident. No matter how many times she had said I will definitely not kill them today. At least Dog didn’t care, just the opposite, they seemed to love the affection being given. Dog even tried wag their tail. A little hard when there was nothing there and all that happened was its entire body wiggling.

Bart barked out a laugh as she adjusted her grip. There was no way she was going to drop her friend! Not even when Dog started to lick her face. Even if it tickled and made her laugh even more. It became a battle of wills between the pair of them. Dog wiggled in happiness and licked Bart. In return, she buried her face into Dogs fur and tried to muffle some of her laughter. Which was another thing she missed, laughing for freely.

Dog had won this round. Bart said as much after she gently set the dog down and started to lay on her stomach. Didn’t matter that the pair of them were still on the floor of the cafeteria. In front of one of the doors to the kitchen. If anyone wanted to leave, there was another door. Bart was having fun mimicking the movements Dog did. When one tilted their head, so did the other. If one was to roll onto their back, well it would take a second but then both would. As soon as Dog sat, Bart shifted to study how and did the same pose.

After a while the floor did get uncomfortable. They’d have to go somewhere else to sit together, like Barts room! Her bed was a lot softer than the floor and she had gotten a rug on one of the outings she was taken on. It was very soft and light blue. Also her room lights weren’t as blinding as the rest around the facility. With her mind made up, Bart rolled over and sat with her elbows on her knees.

“You know, I got a room here. All to myself. A cool rug too, There’s enough space for someone else if, you know- you want to, maybe I don’t know like stay with me… or whatever. That’s cool too.”

Bart started to fiddle with the sleeves of jumpsuit. Her eyes not staying in one place for very long, the nerves getting the better of her now. She wondered if the universe would let her have friends again. It’s not like Bart had stopped listening all the time. There was only one thing that she ignored. The constant chant that told her to kill Ken. Other than that she was a good puppet. It meant that she could have at least one friend or at least it should. 

“So like, do you want to live in my room? With me, I’s gotta be better than this place. I got better food also.”

It wasn’t too long after Bart finished speaking before Dog jumped up and barked loudly. That had to mean yes, it seemed to get excited at the idea of having an actual place to sleep. Whether that meant sharing a bed with Bart or having a place of its own. It didn’t seem to matter, both of them got something they wanted and both of them got even more excited. Bart jumped up, whooping as she got up. Even Dog got in on it, spinning around and barking loudly.

“Yeah! This is- this is gonna be the best, we’ll have so much fun. You and me, just like we did before. Hey, you want to race to my room? See who gets there first, go!”


	3. iii

 

After a while, Bart figured the universe would give up on wanting Ken dead. It got annoying after a while having it buzzing around all the time. Sad too, reminding Bart that she wasn’t even a person. Some days were worse than others. The days when there was nothing for her to do. Her tests with Mr Priest only happened three days a week and only one of those were outside the facility. Once a month she had to see a doctor. There was a day for taking a walk around Blackwing with Dog and seeing if there was anything new but there never was.

 

That is, until there wasn’t. The universe had become too loud, more insistent. Someone had to die. No more hanging around like a coconut. The universe wouldn’t be ignored any longer, not without consequences. Bart had thrown down her colouring pencils and pushed at the pages in front of her with a loud huff. Fine! It was her day off and all she wanted to do was draw some pictures. Bart would just have to come back to it after doing what needed to be done.

 

She reached over and scratched Dog behind the ear and explained that she’d be back in a couple of minutes. It shouldn’t take too long to deal with this. It didn’t really take that long, not when Bart put all her focus into doing her job. She guessed about fifteen minutes and it would be all over. That was including the time it would take her to find them. The finding always took the most time. The universe was always picky about where and when things happened.

 

After tapping her card on the wall, Bart gave Dog a wave and headed out into the hallways. There wasn’t too much that was different, maybe some extra guards? It didn’t seem to matter too much, they stood like statues. Even when Bart stepped close to them and stared into the reflective helmets. Nothing but the tremble that people always got around her. It was still funny to her. Dumb guards, pretending they’re not scared. Bart left them standing there and continued following the invisible path. Her mouth pulled up in a grin that flashed too many teeth to be comforting.

 

Every so often, she stopped to look in the rooms or rattle a door handle. Nothing happened unless the room had weapons and most of them were just guns. Boring but she did take a pistol and stuck it in the pocket of her jumpsuit. It bumped against her leg when she walked but Bart didn’t want to carry it around in her hand. Mostly because Bart was near the cafeteria and she was hungry.

 

It was empty. No cooks or people around, so she grabbed a couple of bread rolls. Stuffing them in a separate pocket. Also a banana which she ate as she continued to walk around, Bart kept the banana peel. Something told her that it would come in handy later on. It went in the pocket with bread rolls.

 

Bart couldn’t work out why it was taking so long to find who she was supposed to kill. Every time she felt close, they would move. Why’d this have to be so confusing? Normally it was finished by now and Bart would have moved on to the next person. Honestly they were just being selfish, not dying when they were supposed to. Stupid person with their not dying on time.

 

Another door opened for Bart. It had some of the guards, but without all their uniforms on. Still not the room she needed but it did have some cool things in there. Each of the guards tensed up as she walked in and eyeballed all the equipment. There was the normal guns but also some of the sticks that shocked people. Bart wanted one of those, not because she needed it but it’d be cool to have. She leaned closer to the guard who had one and pointed.

 

“Hey, can I have this?” Not that Bart needed to ask really, it was the nice thing to do. 

 

“Thanks.”

 

“W-we have orders not to, um, not to let you have the weapons actually.”

 

One of the guards actually spoke. Bart wasn’t sure if they did, she’d never heard them before. It was quiet and shaky but it was definitely a voice. It made her laugh, a loud and harsh laugh that bounced around the room before she turned to the speaker. Closing the gap so there was barely any space between them, Bart gave a feral smile.

 

“You gonna stop me?”

 

The guard whimpered, but kept still. That was what Bart thought. There was no stopping her or getting in her way and now she had a stick. It was lighter than she expected, colder too. Bart shrugged and started to head out but after a couple of steps she heard chairs being pushed back. Either they planned on running out of the room or…

 

“We have orders, ma’am. You’re no- you’re not allowed to t-take any weapons.”

 

Bart was a holistic assassin, it wasn’t like she needed weapons to kill people. Sure it helped sometimes but there were other ways of doing things. She walked back to the closest guard, even with guns raised it was pretty close. Without the helmets it was easy to see how scared they were. Sweat dotted their foreheads and their eyes kept flicking around. This could have been avoided but these guys had to be stupid. Now Bart had to kill them as well.

 

She adjusted her grip on the stick, her fingers fitting into the grooves of the handle better. Then flicked the switch and time seemed to slow for a moment. Bart pushed the stick into the bare neck of the guard, the sound of electricity crackling as their mouth opened in a silent scream. Their entire body tensed up even further and the smell of burning flesh filled the air. Out of the corner of her eyes, Bart could see the horrified looks on the others faces. Like they were surprised at the sudden act of violence. They should have known what they signed up for anyway and Bart was doing them a favour. If they couldn’t handle this, then Blackwing wasn’t for them.

 

Her stick stopped shocking the guard and time went back to moving properly. As soon as Bart pulled it off, the guard fell back. Hitting the table behind them, then the ground with a satisfying thud. She pointed the broken stick at the other two further back.

 

“Don’t follow me, or you’se are next.”

 

Hopefully they would listen to her but they were probably like the dead guard. So Bart reached into her pocket and dropped the banana peel on the ground. It didn’t take very long for them to follow her out. It was a good thing these ones would die. She didn’t even know how they even got in with Blackwing. They must just be pulling folks of the street or something. Bart looked over her should just in time to watch the first one run around the peel but not the second. Who’s foot slipped just enough for their gun to misfire and shoot up the other guard. A line of bullet holes that ran up the length of their body. It wasn’t like in those cartoons she watched, but still pretty funny to watch someone fall on it. Bart pulled the gun from her pocket and shrugged.

 

“Shoulda stayed there, chum.”

 

After they were dealt with Bart continued on. Thankfully the next room that opened was the right one. The lights were brighter than the hallway and it took her a second to see who was in the room. Only a couple of people this time, no guards which was a little weird. Especially seeing who it was. Some lady with an angry look on her face and fancy clothes and-

 

“Ken! You never came to visit me, you know. It was pretty rude of you.”

 

“Uh, yeah. I was-“

 

“-Yeah, yeah. Busy and all that. I don’t care but I should tell you that I still feel like I need to kill you.”

 

Ken opened his mouth to reply but the angry lady stepped forward. Her arms crossing over her chest as she looked Bart up and down. At least there was not as much blood on her jumpsuit this time, just a little bit.

 

“Supervisor Adams, what is this? One of the subjects. Out of its room, no one watching it and it has weaponry? Is this how you plan to run this facility?”

 

“Director Wilson, yeah no I wouldn’t get too close to her. Subject Marzanna, uh, she’s the holistic assassin in the files.”

 

Ken stepped back up to Wilson, his hands up in a surrender. Honestly though Bart wasn’t paying too much attention to the people in front of her. Now that she was within range of her target, the universe was getting even more insistent. She mumbled quietly to the universe, telling it to relax a bit. Bart would do her job again. Both Wilson and Ken started to argue about something but Bart wasn’t listening. She gripped the gun tighter and held it up. Aiming straight at her target and...

The shot is deafening. Like most gunshots are but it never bothered Bart before.  It helps to cut out all the other noise. The alarms screaming bloody murder, the steady footfalls that take over for the heart that stopped beating and the quiet death rattle. Leaning even further into the tunnel that overtook her vision, Bart started at the crimson stain that crept over the stark white shirt, then onto the bright floor tiles. The change in colour made her eyes feel better, the sterile white always hurt to look at for too long.

 

"Marzanna- Bart... What have you done?"

 

It was over. Wilson was dead and the universe was satisfied.

 

For now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also go check out the radical art done by [thedeafprophet](http://thedeafprophet.tumblr.com/post/174080565527/this-is-my-picture-for-the-dirk-gently-beginner) for this fic !!


End file.
